글쓰기 메뉴

남바다~

열풍분다.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJFIsJh5e-0


다른 글들
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Be serious

사람들이 도움을 청할 때,

사람들이 사랑을 고백할 때,
그 때는 농담을 할 타이밍이 아닌 것이다.

제발 좀 진지하게,
받아줬으면 해.
아니, 아니야. 그러면 안됐어.
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Who must be...

뿌리와 같은 사람이 되고 싶다. 음지에서 일하지만 양지에 있는 이들을 위한...
필요없는 사람이 되고 싶다. 모든이가 행복해서 내가 할일이 없는...
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Square

tell me when you will be mine

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April dream

can it be my dream?
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지금 내게 바라는 것

Don't care about what others think, as long as I like it. Just do what I want to do.
It is alright even if it turns out to be total failure. I am worthy enough to take risks and failure. So.. even if I fail something by doing what I like, it totally worth it.
I deserve to be myself.
I deserve to fail.
I deserve to be worth risks.
no more hesitation because I am afraid of
failure.
what others will not like.
wasting money or time or effort.
Because I totally worth it.
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이중인격

1화
그때 였던가...
2016년 6월 26일 엄마의 암선고를 들었을때...
난 초등학생4학년이었다.
그런 선고에 어린 나는 선고를 받아들이기힘들었다...
여느때와 다름없이 집으로 돌아오고 있었다.
집에 온 나는 깨져있는 접시와 머리를 움켜잡고 있는
엄마를 보았다.
''엄마!'' 난 소리쳤다.
엄마는 갑자기 고개를 들더니 창문으로 뛰어들었다.
''아..안돼...엄마!''
유리창으로 밑을 보던 나는 놀라움을 금치 못했다.
(Sticker) 
''엄마가 없어졌어...? ''
울고있던 내 옆으로 아버지가 오셨다.
''왜우는거야? ''
난 울먹거리며 자총지종을 설명했다.
그러자 아버지가...   
 
                                                    To be continued
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에필로그.어둠소녀

제목:저는 오늘 입학식이라 등교 중인데요?
오늘은 SWAPE 고등학교 입학식이다.
'이 학교는 언니따라 많이 왔었지....'
나는 옆집 언니인 루나 언니를 따라 SWAPE 고등학교에 많이 와보았다.
루나 언니는 책을 좋아하는 나를 위해 이 학교의 도서실에 자주 데려왔었다.
'여기는 책이 많아서 좋아...'
나는 익숙한 책 냄새를 맡으며 도서실 안으로 들어왔다.
'뭘 읽을까... 역시 이 책을 더 읽어 보는 게 좋겠어'
내가 고른 책(이라 해야 하나?...)은 사람들이 잘 보지 않는 (당연하지만) 문서를 빌렸다.
사서 선생님은 여기 있는 책이나 문서를 다봤냐며 나를 알아보시고는 물으셨다.
나는 그런 질문을 억지웃음으로 회피하고는 문서를 챙겼다.
'솔직히.. 내가 이걸 봐야 하는 이유는 따로 있지만.....
To Be completed 
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they will offer you

The sheeps are in the field

And somehow the dog's being chased
Maybe it needs some help
But the sheeps are all black
Still running, the dog
Maybe already bitten in its mind
She's alright she's fine
As long as she's breathing she'll never be exhausted
It's okay, the four kind friends tell her
Stop running and come to us but she cannot hear
My black dog with golden spots
Still running in the field
Losing her way home, losing her memories
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내기억속의 노래

Tears in Heaven -에릭 크랩튼

중2때 방배동 경신교회 중등부 회장 안**오빠가 
팬들을 위해 기타로 자주 연주해주던 곡
내곁에서 떠나가지 말아요-빛과소금
Irlandaise-클로드 볼링

Feel So Good - Chuck Mangione
유재하 전곡 등등
클래식에서 재즈로 전공 바꿀때 다니던
실용음악학원 화성학 선생님~
클래식만 알던 내 귀를 수준높게 올려주신,
조그만 피아노방에서 필받으면 3-4명 모아놓고
내곁에서 떠나가지 말아요를 불러주시던
김**선생님
내안의 그대,Sad Christmas-업 타운

돌이킬수 없는 사랑-소호대,사랑 그리고 추억
송애(너를위해 원곡)-에스더
한장의 추억-쿨
난-박진영
Have You Ever-Brandy
재수 삼수 하면서 아르바이트 했던 반포 사카에서

무한반복하며 들었던 노래들
사랑해 누나-유승준

말해줘-지누션
I'll be missing you-puff daddy

반포 사카에서 아르바이트 할때 알던 울여보 후배들이

좋아하던 노래들
너를 사랑해-SES
좋은사람-쿨
내차에서 운전하면서 매일 몇년동안 
하루종일 들으면서 생각한 짝사랑하던 하대환
그사람이 좋은게 아니야
그사람을 생각하는게 아니야
그냥 그곡을 들으면
그때의 내가 
내감정이 생각나는거야
그래서 그 곡이 나에겐 특별한거야
그래서 그 곡이 좋은거야.
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1.어둠소녀

제목:과거 편 1
1년 전.......
급식실에서는 모든 아이들이 나에 대한 이야기를 하고 있었다.
수군대는 이야기는 나의 귓속을 채워나갔다.
'하아..... 앞으로 학교생활 어떻게 하지...'
그렇게 한숨을 쉬며 급식판을 반납하였다.
'아까 나도 모르게 욱해서...'
나는 아까 전의 상황을 떠올렸다.
.
.
.
.
.
"야, 내가 분명 초코칩이랑 2% 사 오라지 않았냐?"
"저기... 네가 준 돈으론 부족한데...."
쾅----------------------------
"내가 내용 돈 줬잖아!!!"
"그걸 지금 말이라 하냐??"
"히익!!"
"돈이 없으면 이 돈으로 사야 할 거 아냐!!!
매장되고 싶냐??"
"미, 미안해"
"다시 사와라."
"그, 근데 이 돈을 합해도 많, 많이 모자라..."
"후.......... 넌 이리 와라."
드르륵
나는 자리를 박차고 일어났다.
모두의 시선이 나에게 집중됐다.
"뭐야?? 나갈 거면 지금 나가라."
나는 한숨을 쉬며 생각을 정리했다.
"뭐하냐??"
'후.......'
"영현이라 했지?"
헉.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
모두의 시선이 또다시 나에게 집중됐다.
하지만 이번에는 나를 걱정하는 눈빛으로 처다 봤다.
"근데 왜."
"넌 더럽게 할 게 없냐?"
나의 한마디에 순간 정적이 흘렀고 김영현은 다른 아이들과 함께 멍하니 있었다.
아마, 자신에게 그런 말을 한 것 자체가 충격이었나 보다.
그 정적을 깬 것은 다름 아닌 선생님 이셨다.
"자, 얘들아. 아무리 첫날이라도 자리에는 앉아있어야지."
그러자 영현이는 정신이 들었는지 자리에 앉고서는 나를 노려봤다.
나는 영현이의 시선을 회피하며 창밖을 바라봤다.
"줄 서라!. 오늘은 신입생 입학식이기 때문에 신입생들이랑 마주 보고 악수하러 갈 건데 조용하게 하자"
모두들 친한 애들끼리 줄을 섰지만, 영현이와 다른 아이들은 수군거리며 나를 바라보았다.
그런 나는 그 시선을 무시하며 가장 뒤에 서있었다.
잠시 후-------------
우리 반은 강당에 도착했다.
전교회장은 다른 반도 도착한 것을 보고는..
"반갑습니다. SWAPE 고등학교에 오신 것을 축하합니다. 신입생들은 학교폭력에 유의해주시고, 만약 발생한다면 즉시 신고해주시길 바라겠습니다. 이상입니다"
'말도 안 되는 소리하고 있네.'
나는 전교회장의 말을 한 귀로 흘렸다.
그렇게 시간이 흐르자 교장선생님의 연설도 끝나고, 반으로 가게 되었다.
반으로 들어가니 아이들은 조잘거렸다.
하지만 할 것도 없고 친구도 없는 상태라 나는 나중에 조용히 도서관이나 가기로 했다.
그렇게 현재.
'하아, 자살행위였나?'
나는 아까의 선택을 후회하며 천천히 걸어갔다.
반에 도착하고는 조용히 엎드렸다.
그리고 몇십 분 후.....
드르륵----------------
소리가 울려 퍼지며 선생님이 통신문을 가져오시며 말씀하셨다.
"자, 얘들아 오늘은 신입생들 입학식이라, 전교회장이랑 부회장이 1학년들 반을 둘러보고는 하교할 거니까 짐 싸라"
'잘됐다. 어차피 시간도 많으니 상관없지만 학교에 있다 가야겠다.'
나는 그렇게 생각하며 잠시 화장실에 다녀왔다.
그렇게 시간이 흐르고 선생님이 들어오셨다.
"자, 얘들아 가는 길에 딴 길로 새지 말고!!!
영현아 인사."
"차렷. 경례"
"감사합니다--."
나는 아이들이 우르르 나가는 틈에 나갔다.
그러고는 잠깐 학교를 둘러보러 나갔을 때...
To Be completed.
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Being me

"Mom,Mom! Are you alright? Where are you?" If something goes wrong with her it's will all be my fault. I shouldn't have leaved her alone and come to Forks..."Bella? Bella, bella! Bella, where are you?" Rènee! She's here, she's alive. She's going to be okay...
I've never given much thought to how I would die-though I'd had reason enough in the last few months- but even if I had, I would have not imagined it like this. Still, I can't get myself to regret this decision. The decision that made me come here to die. Because I loved her as much as I loved Edward.
"Bella, Bella!"
"Mom, I suck."
"You do not suck! You're a wonderful dancer."
"Everybody is making fun of me…"
 This talk was oddly farmilliar. Then I knew.
 "No..." It was all I could say. He tricked me to death. 
I thought I was ready, But I wasn't. I was never ready. Even I don't die and become a vampire, I will not be able to live. I wasn't ready. Yet. Or I thought I wasn't.
"Oh...dear...You were a stuborn child, wern't you?" His cruel voice was screeching. It was too horrifying but also beautiful. "What have you done to her??" He must be out of mind. "Don't worry. She's safe in Jacksonville. She doesn't even know you're here." At least my mother was safe. "But still, you made things too easy...It isn't much fun. Is it? I wanted to see your dear Edward's feeble atempt to save you. So, to make things more entertainainig, I'll send this little film of our time together to your mate. Is it okay?" No! Then, he'll be in danger…"No! Absolutely not! He...he has nothing to do with this!" But he merly chuckled. "He absolutly has every thing to do with this. I borrowed this camera from your house, and I hope you don't mind. Good. And, Action!" 
What? 
He was a monster. A cruel monster who played with his food. I was the victim tonight. 
Edward, Edward! 
The moment we kissed for the first time shook my thoughts. It was all I could think about. If I have to die, I will die a graceful death, thingking the happiest moment in my life. I could almost see his pale white, blazing cold fingers wiping my warm cheekbones all the way to my lips and collarbones.
I could die for him. I just wished that victoria wouldn't touch him. 
No. He was strong enough. He will survive through this. I know it.
But me...I was just a fragile human. Too easy to break. Even James just flings a finger, my head could brek in a second.
But I still had to survive this. Run away if possible.
How could I distract him?
                                         ~oOo~
"Bella, take this pepper spray. This will make me a bit more relived."
 "Well...I don't know…I mean, all thus animal attacks, it happens very rarely." 
"Please. I bet Edward will approve it too. He's like crazy about your safety."
                                         ~oOo~
I don't know why, but this memory just popped out of my head. It wasn't for sure but, this might work. But not for long.
"Tchhh" Suddenly, my feet seemed to be glued on the floor. I couldn't move. I was scared.
"Ha, Ha, Ha. Did you reay think that the pepper spray will work?" He was furious at me for trying to live. But what else could I do? Just sit down and wait for my life to end? I had to do something. And then, he tossed me like anrag doll. "CRACK!" Oww… My head was bleeding. Wait, blood? He was a vampire. He was not even a vegetarian.
"Tell him!! Tell him how much it hurts!!" Suddenly, he pressed my leg under his foot with all his strength. I couldn't feel anything for a second. But then, the pain struck me. My leg was snapping under his freezingly cold fingers. All I could think about was the pain in my leg. I had to make it go away. But how? I tried to scream. But his too-tight-fingers were pressing my lips like a cold stone, making me unable to say anything. I had to do something.
No, that was not the important thing. I couldn't see well because of my blazzing pain but, I could feel his icy lips on my left arm.
I thought 'I will die.'
And then, the coldness was gone. Other coldness filled me again. But now, it was a familia and cozy coldness.
My nosetrills flared. I could smell Edward's raspberry-mint flavoured breath. I had to have it more. It made my pain go away. I had to gulp the air around me.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'll take you to carlisle and treat you." His velvet voice made my every single bodypart melt. I could taste his sweet flavour. Treating my broken leg was not the important thing now. Being with him was.
"Edward….Edward, don't go! Don't…" He stood up suddenly. Don't go! I can't live without you! I don't need anything in except for you. "I'm not going anywhere. Hold on tight." His pained whisper made my heart reap. He shouldn't be in pain. Was he hurt? Then I knew. He was not hurt. Watching me hurt was hurting him.
"We'll jump." Then, we bounced up in the sky. I thought we were free.
But we wern't.
"I won't let you go." James had jump to make us fall.
We crashed down the hall. I could see clearly again. James was strangling edward's neck!
"You came here because you are faster than the others. But not stronger." He was lunatic. Absolutely lethal as Laurent said.
"I'm strong enough to kill you!"
But then, he crashed into the floor. James was strong. He began to run. But where was he runing to? He was getting closer to me by every second.
"No!" He was coming to bite me.
Edward! Please come and save me!
But he was nowhere near me and the lunatic vampire was crouching toward me. His cold hands covered my ankles. I tried to get out of his hand but he was too strong.
It all happened in a second. At first it was a pleasant warmth. But as the clock ticked by, it grew hotter and hotter. 
Warm. Hot. Fire. Too much fire!
I had too much fire in my body. My bones was shreiking in pain. It was a pain beyond pain. No one would know this pain if he havn't felt it.
James, snapping my legs under his foot. That was nothing. That was a soft place to rest on a feather bed. I'd take that now, a hundred times. A hundred snaps. I'd take it and be grateful.
Deep blue sea, drowning my breathes, trying to kill me. That was nothing. That was a floating in the cool pool. I'd take it a thousand times. Take it and be grateful.
"Carlisle!" Edward shouted for Carlisle. "We need to cure broken leg." No! Please make the fire go away! My broken leg wasn't important now. My left hand was burning fire. Not only my arm but my entire body was. "Alice, tie her legs upper than my hands. Unfasten your belt." His voice was buisness-like.
 Then he saw my arm where it was bitten by james.
Now, his voice turned iike he was in a great hurry.
"He bit her. We need to suck her venom out. Or there actually is another option...We could simply let the change happen."
The change? Me being vampire? It was a better option but my pain was too big to fight off.
I wanted him to suck up my venom. But will he be able to stop? We still had to try.
"Edward. Suck. The venom. Out. Now!"
It was all I could say. I could scream but, it was no good after all.
Seconds ticked by.
Did edward suck my venom up? 
No he didn't. I didn't feel the pain shrinking. I was becoming one of them. I knew that it was too late to suck it. 
The venom had already reached my heart.
                                         ~oOo~
[Edward]
When I arrived, James was almost biting her ankle. I don't think, I just lunge. I never have imagined that I would sacrifice myself for a little girl in my existance.
I never knew what was Alice like to Jasper.
I never understood clearly why they would rather die than to live alone.
But now, after a hundred years of practice for this very moment, I resisted human blood. When Carlisle told that resisting will make me more caring and loving, I didn't knew what he was talking about, but I could understand it now.
I never felt somthing similar to 'love' exept for my familly.
But the girl, a fragile, small and vulnerable girl made me feel that thing.
When she came into my life, when I finally found what a love was, when I first saw her, 
my heart began to beat again.
I was smiling again.
I found myself crazed and dazed by her small little smile.
It was like a midsummer night's dream.
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Bring it all back - S club 7

Don't stop, never give up, 
Hold your head high and reach the top,
Let the World see what you have got, 
Bring it all back to you
Hold on to what you try to be your individuality, 
When the world is on your shoulders, 
Just smile and let it go,
If people try to put you down, 
just walk on by don't turn around;
You only have to answer to yourself,
Don't you know its true what they say, 
That life it ain' t easy,
But your time is coming around
Don't stop, never give up, 
Hold your head high and reach the top,
Let the world see what you have got, 
Bring it all back to you, 
Dream of falling in Love,
Anything you've been thinking of,
When the world seems to get to tough,
Bring it all back to you.
Try not to worry about a thing, 
Enjoy the good times life can bring,
Keep good all the solitude,
Got to let the feeling show,
Imagination is the key,
Because you are your own destiny, 
Never should be lonely when time is on your side.
Don't you know its true what they say, 
Things are said to try you, 
But your times is coming around,
(So don't stop trying) 
Don't stop, never give up,
Hold your head high and reach the top, 
Let the world see what you have got,
Bring it all back to you,
Dream of falling in Love,
Anything you've been thinking of, 
When the world seems to get to tough, 
Bring it all back to you.
Don't you know its true what they say,
Things happen for a reason,
But you times coming around,