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Blank <Jeremy Bishop / Unsplash>




Dance with me

다른 글들
0 1

Being me

"Mom,Mom! Are you alright? Where are you?" If something goes wrong with her it's will all be my fault. I shouldn't have leaved her alone and come to Forks..."Bella? Bella, bella! Bella, where are you?" Rènee! She's here, she's alive. She's going to be okay...
I've never given much thought to how I would die-though I'd had reason enough in the last few months- but even if I had, I would have not imagined it like this. Still, I can't get myself to regret this decision. The decision that made me come here to die. Because I loved her as much as I loved Edward.
"Bella, Bella!"
"Mom, I suck."
"You do not suck! You're a wonderful dancer."
"Everybody is making fun of me…"
 This talk was oddly farmilliar. Then I knew.
 "No..." It was all I could say. He tricked me to death. 
I thought I was ready, But I wasn't. I was never ready. Even I don't die and become a vampire, I will not be able to live. I wasn't ready. Yet. Or I thought I wasn't.
"Oh...dear...You were a stuborn child, wern't you?" His cruel voice was screeching. It was too horrifying but also beautiful. "What have you done to her??" He must be out of mind. "Don't worry. She's safe in Jacksonville. She doesn't even know you're here." At least my mother was safe. "But still, you made things too easy...It isn't much fun. Is it? I wanted to see your dear Edward's feeble atempt to save you. So, to make things more entertainainig, I'll send this little film of our time together to your mate. Is it okay?" No! Then, he'll be in danger…"No! Absolutely not! He...he has nothing to do with this!" But he merly chuckled. "He absolutly has every thing to do with this. I borrowed this camera from your house, and I hope you don't mind. Good. And, Action!" 
He was a monster. A cruel monster who played with his food. I was the victim tonight. 
Edward, Edward! 
The moment we kissed for the first time shook my thoughts. It was all I could think about. If I have to die, I will die a graceful death, thingking the happiest moment in my life. I could almost see his pale white, blazing cold fingers wiping my warm cheekbones all the way to my lips and collarbones.
I could die for him. I just wished that victoria wouldn't touch him. 
No. He was strong enough. He will survive through this. I know it.
But me...I was just a fragile human. Too easy to break. Even James just flings a finger, my head could brek in a second.
But I still had to survive this. Run away if possible.
How could I distract him?
"Bella, take this pepper spray. This will make me a bit more relived."
 "Well...I don't know…I mean, all thus animal attacks, it happens very rarely." 
"Please. I bet Edward will approve it too. He's like crazy about your safety."
I don't know why, but this memory just popped out of my head. It wasn't for sure but, this might work. But not for long.
"Tchhh" Suddenly, my feet seemed to be glued on the floor. I couldn't move. I was scared.
"Ha, Ha, Ha. Did you reay think that the pepper spray will work?" He was furious at me for trying to live. But what else could I do? Just sit down and wait for my life to end? I had to do something. And then, he tossed me like anrag doll. "CRACK!" Oww… My head was bleeding. Wait, blood? He was a vampire. He was not even a vegetarian.
"Tell him!! Tell him how much it hurts!!" Suddenly, he pressed my leg under his foot with all his strength. I couldn't feel anything for a second. But then, the pain struck me. My leg was snapping under his freezingly cold fingers. All I could think about was the pain in my leg. I had to make it go away. But how? I tried to scream. But his too-tight-fingers were pressing my lips like a cold stone, making me unable to say anything. I had to do something.
No, that was not the important thing. I couldn't see well because of my blazzing pain but, I could feel his icy lips on my left arm.
I thought 'I will die.'
And then, the coldness was gone. Other coldness filled me again. But now, it was a familia and cozy coldness.
My nosetrills flared. I could smell Edward's raspberry-mint flavoured breath. I had to have it more. It made my pain go away. I had to gulp the air around me.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'll take you to carlisle and treat you." His velvet voice made my every single bodypart melt. I could taste his sweet flavour. Treating my broken leg was not the important thing now. Being with him was.
"Edward….Edward, don't go! Don't…" He stood up suddenly. Don't go! I can't live without you! I don't need anything in except for you. "I'm not going anywhere. Hold on tight." His pained whisper made my heart reap. He shouldn't be in pain. Was he hurt? Then I knew. He was not hurt. Watching me hurt was hurting him.
"We'll jump." Then, we bounced up in the sky. I thought we were free.
But we wern't.
"I won't let you go." James had jump to make us fall.
We crashed down the hall. I could see clearly again. James was strangling edward's neck!
"You came here because you are faster than the others. But not stronger." He was lunatic. Absolutely lethal as Laurent said.
"I'm strong enough to kill you!"
But then, he crashed into the floor. James was strong. He began to run. But where was he runing to? He was getting closer to me by every second.
"No!" He was coming to bite me.
Edward! Please come and save me!
But he was nowhere near me and the lunatic vampire was crouching toward me. His cold hands covered my ankles. I tried to get out of his hand but he was too strong.
It all happened in a second. At first it was a pleasant warmth. But as the clock ticked by, it grew hotter and hotter. 
Warm. Hot. Fire. Too much fire!
I had too much fire in my body. My bones was shreiking in pain. It was a pain beyond pain. No one would know this pain if he havn't felt it.
James, snapping my legs under his foot. That was nothing. That was a soft place to rest on a feather bed. I'd take that now, a hundred times. A hundred snaps. I'd take it and be grateful.
Deep blue sea, drowning my breathes, trying to kill me. That was nothing. That was a floating in the cool pool. I'd take it a thousand times. Take it and be grateful.
"Carlisle!" Edward shouted for Carlisle. "We need to cure broken leg." No! Please make the fire go away! My broken leg wasn't important now. My left hand was burning fire. Not only my arm but my entire body was. "Alice, tie her legs upper than my hands. Unfasten your belt." His voice was buisness-like.
 Then he saw my arm where it was bitten by james.
Now, his voice turned iike he was in a great hurry.
"He bit her. We need to suck her venom out. Or there actually is another option...We could simply let the change happen."
The change? Me being vampire? It was a better option but my pain was too big to fight off.
I wanted him to suck up my venom. But will he be able to stop? We still had to try.
"Edward. Suck. The venom. Out. Now!"
It was all I could say. I could scream but, it was no good after all.
Seconds ticked by.
Did edward suck my venom up? 
No he didn't. I didn't feel the pain shrinking. I was becoming one of them. I knew that it was too late to suck it. 
The venom had already reached my heart.
When I arrived, James was almost biting her ankle. I don't think, I just lunge. I never have imagined that I would sacrifice myself for a little girl in my existance.
I never knew what was Alice like to Jasper.
I never understood clearly why they would rather die than to live alone.
But now, after a hundred years of practice for this very moment, I resisted human blood. When Carlisle told that resisting will make me more caring and loving, I didn't knew what he was talking about, but I could understand it now.
I never felt somthing similar to 'love' exept for my familly.
But the girl, a fragile, small and vulnerable girl made me feel that thing.
When she came into my life, when I finally found what a love was, when I first saw her, 
my heart began to beat again.
I was smiling again.
I found myself crazed and dazed by her small little smile.
It was like a midsummer night's dream.
0 0

Conversation with Morrie #1

Morrie: 지역 사회를 위해 뭔가 하고 있나.

Marie: 네. 자연의 음식을 경험하고 싶어하는 사람들을 돕고 있습니다. 그리고, 개도국의 조건속에서 길을 찾는 학생들도 도와주고 있구요. 사실, 임용 경쟁 사회에서 제 살 길도 막막해서, 이럴 주제가 되는가 늘 고민을 합니다. Tenure 받은 사람들이 해야지... 이런 걸 내가 왜 하나 싶은 생각이요. 

Morrie: 어차피, 모두가 자기 인생을 사는 것 뿐이라네. employment status 가 그걸 막을 순 없는 것이지.

         자네 마음을 나눌 사랑을 찾았나?

Marie: 아......
Morrie: 얼굴이 빨개졌구만. 왜 우물쭈물 대답을 못하나.
Marie: 찾는 중입니다.

Morrie: 나는 개인적으로 결혼이 정말 중요하다고 생각해. 그리고 결혼하려고 노력하지 않는 사람은 인생에서 엄청난 걸 놓치고 있다고 생각하네. 서로 사랑하지 않으면 멸망할것이야.

Marie: 결혼이 사랑을 근본으로 한다는 거군요. 뭔가, 미혼의 싱글 교수가 비참하게 죽음을 맞이 할 때, 제자들이 곁에 있어주는 훈훈한 이야기를 기대했는데요. 완전히 예상을 빗나갔군요.

Morrie: 맞아. 찾을껄세. 자네는. 껄껄...
0 0

Alignment with your high self

그 사람이 가장 중요하게 생각하는 가치/업장에 기여/공감/찬탄/존경/격려/지지할 수 있겠는가.
: science, self-organization, divine feminine (crown), global_world
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Vim with the Syntastic plugin and ESLint (feat Vundle)

나는 nerdtree 라든지 하는 플러그인 안쓰고 날것의 vim 을 좋아하는데 syntax 나 eslint 는 필수기 때문에 써야지.
플러그인 관리 대세가 pathogen 에서 vundle 로 넘어간 듯.. 대세는 또 따라줘야지.
Vundle: https://github.com/VundleVim/Vundle.vim
Syntastic: https://github.com/vim-syntastic/syntastic
깃허브에 아주 잘 설명되어 있고.. 아래는 내 설치 히스토리.
소스 받기
.vimrc 에 다음 내용 추가 - Syntastic(만) 포함됨
설정된 플러그인 인스톨
플러그인 인스톨하면 화면 쪼개지고 설치 진행됨. 당황하지 말고 Vim 상태표시줄에 다 끝났다는 메시지 나오면 끄면 됨.
ESLint 는 글로벌로 설치해놓고 
사용하고 있는 .eslintrc 가 없다면 프로젝트 root path 에서
eslint 설정 파일이 있다면 아무 파일이나 돌려보면 eslint-plugin-react 등 필요한 것들 설치해줌
글로벌로 npm 설치해도 물론 됨
1 0

Linda's day

Hello, My English name is Linda.
I live in korea.
I'm middle school student.
전 중학생이고 저에 대한 글을 쓰려고 
1 1

I'm back.

With something.
2 0

Lovers #24

I am in love with you
3 1

뻔뻔하게 글을 씁시다

글쓰기의 목적은 여러분 아버지와 어머니가 부끄러워 졸도하게 만드는 데 있다.
- J.P. 돈리비
The purpose of writing is to make your mother and father drop dead with shame
- J. P. Donleavy
글쓰기 : 지금 당장 뻔뻔하게 글 쓰기
사진: National Portrait Gallery
1 1

a change of conference venue

1. conference venue 가 바뀌었다. 제길슨, 가뜩이나 연구비가 부족한데, 물 한 잔 부터 모든 게 다 비싼 나라로 변경되었다. 이제, 노트북 사는 건 완전 포기다. 이 탱크 같은 1kg 가 넘는 노트북을 더 들고 다녀야 돼?

2. administration 처리하는 게 너무 싫어서, 금주를 잘 지키다가, 지금 소주를 마시고 있다. 아직, 영수증 처리 힐 것이 많은데 이러고 있다. There is something wrong with mentality. 영수증 처리하는 게 이렇게 싫은거는, 뭔가 문제가 있는 거다. 
3. we all die, but why not today.
1 0

they will offer you

The sheeps are in the field

And somehow the dog's being chased
Maybe it needs some help
But the sheeps are all black
Still running, the dog
Maybe already bitten in its mind
She's alright she's fine
As long as she's breathing she'll never be exhausted
It's okay, the four kind friends tell her
Stop running and come to us but she cannot hear
My black dog with golden spots
Still running in the field
Losing her way home, losing her memories
2 3

He wishes for the cloths of heaven

He wished for the cloths of heaven
William Butler Yeats
HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
내게 황금빛과 은빛으로 짜여진 
천국의 옷감이 있다면,
푸르고 어둑하고 어두운 빛의 반밖에 안되는 밤처럼 어두운 옷감이 있다면,
당신이 발 밑에 그 옷감을 깔아드리고 싶어요.
하지만, 가난하여, 꿈 밖에 가진 것이 없으니,
당신의 발 빝에 나의 꿈이라도 깔아드릴께요.
부드럽게 밟아주세요. 당신이 밟는 것은 나의 꿈이니까요.
문득 예이츠의 시가 생각이 나서 발번역으로 공유합니다.
0 0


카톡 프사를 리뷰해 보니 다 절연이다.
1 성질 고약한 정관스님:
엠병신이 들러 붙었고, 역시 공작활동 나혼자 산다 쓰레기들 (스폰서 샘성). 중국계 출연자 한테 네이버 댓글 몇 개 달았더니 공작원들이 참 노골적으로 당신 인터넷 다 검열 추적했는데 (다 그렇지만 구글 계정은 네이버 유툽까지 연동되어 있고 이 쓰레기 공작원들은 정보를 엿보는 게 우월감이라고 착각하는 정신병에 걸려있다) 처음에만 조금 긍정적이고 나중에 비판의 댓글 달았다며 아예 시간에 따른 추이를 올리며 협박 윽박잘렀다. 몸팔고 성매매하는 연예인 나부랭이가 왜 나 보다 더 대단하다는 건지 나는 그 비약을 전혀 이해할수가 없다. 똥덩어리 같은 정치인 재벌들 똥정원 CIA 여론공작에 노리개 해주면 가치가 상승하는가? 
병맛들 아이큐 2 자리라 '육체 정보 나이' 가지고 연예 방송 자체를 똥질해 놓았더만. 저질스러워
2 사찰음식:
평창 동계 올림픽 - 대한항공등 공작원이 들러 붙어서 남미까지 따라가 지랄 염병을 떨었고.
3 사기꾼 리탐빌: 
개사기꾼 업체 리탐빌에는 금융 카드 (카드 정보 수집도 그렇게 우월감에 기세등등해하더만) 를 통해 알아냈을 것이다

체육하는 개무식한 찬호박 내세워  중앙일보와 쓰레기 반개문 멍청도 정치 퇴물들이 지랄 염병을 떨면서 국제 홍보원에 호박을 앉혔더군.
정보원들 싸이코 패스 정신병으로는 개인 사생활을 집단 윤간하는 정보 강제 공개에대한 범죄의식보다 자기의 우월의식을 (즉 멍청함) 돋궈주는 자랑거리이다. 그래서 민간인 개인 정보를 훔쳐서 숨겨놓는 게 아니고 기레기들한테 뿌려서 과시를 해요. 즉 멍청함과 열등감이지..
4 영어 토론 모임:
여기에도 UN 알바 붙여 놓고 남자 정보 달라고 지랄 떠는 애있어 관뒀고
5 여행 모임:
얘네들한테는 정치인들 담당 걸레, 송혜교 떡밥이 들러 붙었는데,  딴나라당 중국계 공작원이시니 오죽하시겠나. skype 으로 짱꿜라 한테 cuba 사진 보내고 지랄 염병.
유학가면 유학가는데 까지 따라 붙어, 헬조선 탈출하면 공무원 보내서 해외 직장까지 따라 붙어 도저히 못살겠다 도저히 못살겠어. 이 쓰레기들이랑 seperation 하려면 죽음 밖에 없다.  기생충 교수들한테 내 아이템 빼앗기는 것도 지겹고. 내 프로포잘은 reject 하더니, 별 병맛한테는 도대체 몇 백억을 갖다줘? 존나 병맛 논문은 다 accept 시켜주고. 지겹다 늬들 무능하고 병신인거.