글쓰기 메뉴
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bad news to u

it's bad news to you.
꿈은 품으면 이루어진다는 걸 알았어.
너한테 갈꺼야.
이제 어쩔래.
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Square

Egon Schiele

give Thanks to Schiele...
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fatigue

I always have

no place to stay...
no place to go...
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Square

Happy birthday to you

My dearest 자몽,
그곳에서는 자유롭기를....
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where are u heading to

이번에 draft 끝나면 어디로
떠날꺼야?
난,
티벳.
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꽃이 진다고 그대를 잊은적 없다.

떨어지는 벚꽃잎을 잡으면 첫사랑이 이루어 진다는 말을 기억하나요
적어도 나는 기억하는데
어렴풋이 떠올려줘요
나의 첫사랑이시어

당신을 기억할께요
행복하세요
To, 하늘나라
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Lovers #57

what is the perception to let go of to let in unconditional love. 
I have not much time, dear...
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지금 내게 바라는 것

Don't care about what others think, as long as I like it. Just do what I want to do.
It is alright even if it turns out to be total failure. I am worthy enough to take risks and failure. So.. even if I fail something by doing what I like, it totally worth it.
I deserve to be myself.
I deserve to fail.
I deserve to be worth risks.
no more hesitation because I am afraid of
failure.
what others will not like.
wasting money or time or effort.
Because I totally worth it.
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why

why are you doing this to me?
Are you afraid of me?
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Bring it all back - S club 7

Don't stop, never give up, 
Hold your head high and reach the top,
Let the World see what you have got, 
Bring it all back to you
Hold on to what you try to be your individuality, 
When the world is on your shoulders, 
Just smile and let it go,
If people try to put you down, 
just walk on by don't turn around;
You only have to answer to yourself,
Don't you know its true what they say, 
That life it ain' t easy,
But your time is coming around
Don't stop, never give up, 
Hold your head high and reach the top,
Let the world see what you have got, 
Bring it all back to you, 
Dream of falling in Love,
Anything you've been thinking of,
When the world seems to get to tough,
Bring it all back to you.
Try not to worry about a thing, 
Enjoy the good times life can bring,
Keep good all the solitude,
Got to let the feeling show,
Imagination is the key,
Because you are your own destiny, 
Never should be lonely when time is on your side.
Don't you know its true what they say, 
Things are said to try you, 
But your times is coming around,
(So don't stop trying) 
Don't stop, never give up,
Hold your head high and reach the top, 
Let the world see what you have got,
Bring it all back to you,
Dream of falling in Love,
Anything you've been thinking of, 
When the world seems to get to tough, 
Bring it all back to you.
Don't you know its true what they say,
Things happen for a reason,
But you times coming around,
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Square

그게 세상이란다.

To. 어린시절
누군가 세상을 묻거든
너는 말해주렴
근데 내 세상은 그렇단다.
평균...
딱 덜도 말고 더도 말고 딱 평범한 그런세상.
자신에게 피해가 안가는 그 정도 그게 
나의 세상이였단다.
From. 그 후로 부터
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no where

Dear djasidoasidjasfjosdajsfdfij
Hi 
I am still here on Earth...
and....
still...
i have no place to stay.
I am tired...
endlessly.
Let me just disappear, and dissipate.
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bravery

My faith never deserts me
Despite challenges, I always remain hopeful about the future.
I have a clear picture in my mind about what I want to happen in the future
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Happy Birthday to me

한주간 지친 몸을 질질끌며 자정이 넘는시각이 되어서야 집에 도착했다. 씻지도 않고 그대로 누워버렸지만 조용한 새벽공기에 오던 잠도 달아나버려 머릿속을 잠식하던 내용을 몇 개 꺼내어 에버노트에 작성하다보니 어느새 암전되듯 잠들어버렸다. 아침 시끄럽게 싸우는 소리에 잠시 눈을 떴다 감았는데 어느새 정오가 가까운 시간이 되어있다. 조용한 집안공기를 한껏 들이마신뒤 목욕물을 받는동안 자몽을 갈아 계란과 빵 한조각과 함께 섭취하고 탕 안에 들어가 가만히 생각을 정리하는 이 순간이, 나는 만족스럽다. 
오늘은 내 생일이다.
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뻔뻔하게 글을 씁시다

글쓰기의 목적은 여러분 아버지와 어머니가 부끄러워 졸도하게 만드는 데 있다.
- J.P. 돈리비
The purpose of writing is to make your mother and father drop dead with shame
- J. P. Donleavy
글쓰기 : 지금 당장 뻔뻔하게 글 쓰기
사진: National Portrait Gallery
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Being me

"Mom,Mom! Are you alright? Where are you?" If something goes wrong with her it's will all be my fault. I shouldn't have leaved her alone and come to Forks..."Bella? Bella, bella! Bella, where are you?" Rènee! She's here, she's alive. She's going to be okay...
I've never given much thought to how I would die-though I'd had reason enough in the last few months- but even if I had, I would have not imagined it like this. Still, I can't get myself to regret this decision. The decision that made me come here to die. Because I loved her as much as I loved Edward.
"Bella, Bella!"
"Mom, I suck."
"You do not suck! You're a wonderful dancer."
"Everybody is making fun of me…"
 This talk was oddly farmilliar. Then I knew.
 "No..." It was all I could say. He tricked me to death. 
I thought I was ready, But I wasn't. I was never ready. Even I don't die and become a vampire, I will not be able to live. I wasn't ready. Yet. Or I thought I wasn't.
"Oh...dear...You were a stuborn child, wern't you?" His cruel voice was screeching. It was too horrifying but also beautiful. "What have you done to her??" He must be out of mind. "Don't worry. She's safe in Jacksonville. She doesn't even know you're here." At least my mother was safe. "But still, you made things too easy...It isn't much fun. Is it? I wanted to see your dear Edward's feeble atempt to save you. So, to make things more entertainainig, I'll send this little film of our time together to your mate. Is it okay?" No! Then, he'll be in danger…"No! Absolutely not! He...he has nothing to do with this!" But he merly chuckled. "He absolutly has every thing to do with this. I borrowed this camera from your house, and I hope you don't mind. Good. And, Action!" 
What? 
He was a monster. A cruel monster who played with his food. I was the victim tonight. 
Edward, Edward! 
The moment we kissed for the first time shook my thoughts. It was all I could think about. If I have to die, I will die a graceful death, thingking the happiest moment in my life. I could almost see his pale white, blazing cold fingers wiping my warm cheekbones all the way to my lips and collarbones.
I could die for him. I just wished that victoria wouldn't touch him. 
No. He was strong enough. He will survive through this. I know it.
But me...I was just a fragile human. Too easy to break. Even James just flings a finger, my head could brek in a second.
But I still had to survive this. Run away if possible.
How could I distract him?
                                         ~oOo~
"Bella, take this pepper spray. This will make me a bit more relived."
 "Well...I don't know…I mean, all thus animal attacks, it happens very rarely." 
"Please. I bet Edward will approve it too. He's like crazy about your safety."
                                         ~oOo~
I don't know why, but this memory just popped out of my head. It wasn't for sure but, this might work. But not for long.
"Tchhh" Suddenly, my feet seemed to be glued on the floor. I couldn't move. I was scared.
"Ha, Ha, Ha. Did you reay think that the pepper spray will work?" He was furious at me for trying to live. But what else could I do? Just sit down and wait for my life to end? I had to do something. And then, he tossed me like anrag doll. "CRACK!" Oww… My head was bleeding. Wait, blood? He was a vampire. He was not even a vegetarian.
"Tell him!! Tell him how much it hurts!!" Suddenly, he pressed my leg under his foot with all his strength. I couldn't feel anything for a second. But then, the pain struck me. My leg was snapping under his freezingly cold fingers. All I could think about was the pain in my leg. I had to make it go away. But how? I tried to scream. But his too-tight-fingers were pressing my lips like a cold stone, making me unable to say anything. I had to do something.
No, that was not the important thing. I couldn't see well because of my blazzing pain but, I could feel his icy lips on my left arm.
I thought 'I will die.'
And then, the coldness was gone. Other coldness filled me again. But now, it was a familia and cozy coldness.
My nosetrills flared. I could smell Edward's raspberry-mint flavoured breath. I had to have it more. It made my pain go away. I had to gulp the air around me.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'll take you to carlisle and treat you." His velvet voice made my every single bodypart melt. I could taste his sweet flavour. Treating my broken leg was not the important thing now. Being with him was.
"Edward….Edward, don't go! Don't…" He stood up suddenly. Don't go! I can't live without you! I don't need anything in except for you. "I'm not going anywhere. Hold on tight." His pained whisper made my heart reap. He shouldn't be in pain. Was he hurt? Then I knew. He was not hurt. Watching me hurt was hurting him.
"We'll jump." Then, we bounced up in the sky. I thought we were free.
But we wern't.
"I won't let you go." James had jump to make us fall.
We crashed down the hall. I could see clearly again. James was strangling edward's neck!
"You came here because you are faster than the others. But not stronger." He was lunatic. Absolutely lethal as Laurent said.
"I'm strong enough to kill you!"
But then, he crashed into the floor. James was strong. He began to run. But where was he runing to? He was getting closer to me by every second.
"No!" He was coming to bite me.
Edward! Please come and save me!
But he was nowhere near me and the lunatic vampire was crouching toward me. His cold hands covered my ankles. I tried to get out of his hand but he was too strong.
It all happened in a second. At first it was a pleasant warmth. But as the clock ticked by, it grew hotter and hotter. 
Warm. Hot. Fire. Too much fire!
I had too much fire in my body. My bones was shreiking in pain. It was a pain beyond pain. No one would know this pain if he havn't felt it.
James, snapping my legs under his foot. That was nothing. That was a soft place to rest on a feather bed. I'd take that now, a hundred times. A hundred snaps. I'd take it and be grateful.
Deep blue sea, drowning my breathes, trying to kill me. That was nothing. That was a floating in the cool pool. I'd take it a thousand times. Take it and be grateful.
"Carlisle!" Edward shouted for Carlisle. "We need to cure broken leg." No! Please make the fire go away! My broken leg wasn't important now. My left hand was burning fire. Not only my arm but my entire body was. "Alice, tie her legs upper than my hands. Unfasten your belt." His voice was buisness-like.
 Then he saw my arm where it was bitten by james.
Now, his voice turned iike he was in a great hurry.
"He bit her. We need to suck her venom out. Or there actually is another option...We could simply let the change happen."
The change? Me being vampire? It was a better option but my pain was too big to fight off.
I wanted him to suck up my venom. But will he be able to stop? We still had to try.
"Edward. Suck. The venom. Out. Now!"
It was all I could say. I could scream but, it was no good after all.
Seconds ticked by.
Did edward suck my venom up? 
No he didn't. I didn't feel the pain shrinking. I was becoming one of them. I knew that it was too late to suck it. 
The venom had already reached my heart.
                                         ~oOo~
[Edward]
When I arrived, James was almost biting her ankle. I don't think, I just lunge. I never have imagined that I would sacrifice myself for a little girl in my existance.
I never knew what was Alice like to Jasper.
I never understood clearly why they would rather die than to live alone.
But now, after a hundred years of practice for this very moment, I resisted human blood. When Carlisle told that resisting will make me more caring and loving, I didn't knew what he was talking about, but I could understand it now.
I never felt somthing similar to 'love' exept for my familly.
But the girl, a fragile, small and vulnerable girl made me feel that thing.
When she came into my life, when I finally found what a love was, when I first saw her, 
my heart began to beat again.
I was smiling again.
I found myself crazed and dazed by her small little smile.
It was like a midsummer night's dream.
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이중인격

1화
그때 였던가...
2016년 6월 26일 엄마의 암선고를 들었을때...
난 초등학생4학년이었다.
그런 선고에 어린 나는 선고를 받아들이기힘들었다...
여느때와 다름없이 집으로 돌아오고 있었다.
집에 온 나는 깨져있는 접시와 머리를 움켜잡고 있는
엄마를 보았다.
''엄마!'' 난 소리쳤다.
엄마는 갑자기 고개를 들더니 창문으로 뛰어들었다.
''아..안돼...엄마!''
유리창으로 밑을 보던 나는 놀라움을 금치 못했다.
(Sticker) 
''엄마가 없어졌어...? ''
울고있던 내 옆으로 아버지가 오셨다.
''왜우는거야? ''
난 울먹거리며 자총지종을 설명했다.
그러자 아버지가...   
 
                                                    To be continued
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To.씬디요원 #1님

리뷰에 쓰기엔 너무 길어서 여기에 써요!
안녕하세요? 제글 몇번보셨죠? 제가 씬디라는 이앱에 기대가 너무 커서 원하는게 너무 많아요.원하는게 넘 많아서 탈이에요ㅠ
혹시 제가 원하는것 중에 좋다! 싶으신것 있으면 반영좀 해주세요 제가 가장 바라는것부터 쓸게요
1. 제가 저번에 무개념이라는 글에서도  말했었는데 guest없애주세요!
2.다른사람을 구독할수 있게해주세요
그 사람의 글이 떳을때마다 볼수 있게요!
3.댓글달때 익명으로 달 수 있게 해주세요
기껏 글을 익명으로 썻는데 답댓글달다
탈로 날수도 있자나요 ㅠ
4.딴 사람이 볼수없는 1:1 댓글을 만들어주세요
비밀얘기를 하거나 상담할때 유용할것같아요 여기서도 사람들끼리 친해질수 있는 계기가
될거에요! 1:1 채팅이나 단채채팅도 좋아요~
5.씬디에 알람기능을 추가해 주세요!

댓글이 달렸을때 제때 확인이 불가능해요
여기까지 제가 바라는 기능들이에요! 어떤가요? 반영이 불가능할까요?

댓글에 다른분이 원하는것도 적어주시면
베리 굳굳
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에필로그.어둠소녀

제목:저는 오늘 입학식이라 등교 중인데요?
오늘은 SWAPE 고등학교 입학식이다.
'이 학교는 언니따라 많이 왔었지....'
나는 옆집 언니인 루나 언니를 따라 SWAPE 고등학교에 많이 와보았다.
루나 언니는 책을 좋아하는 나를 위해 이 학교의 도서실에 자주 데려왔었다.
'여기는 책이 많아서 좋아...'
나는 익숙한 책 냄새를 맡으며 도서실 안으로 들어왔다.
'뭘 읽을까... 역시 이 책을 더 읽어 보는 게 좋겠어'
내가 고른 책(이라 해야 하나?...)은 사람들이 잘 보지 않는 (당연하지만) 문서를 빌렸다.
사서 선생님은 여기 있는 책이나 문서를 다봤냐며 나를 알아보시고는 물으셨다.
나는 그런 질문을 억지웃음으로 회피하고는 문서를 챙겼다.
'솔직히.. 내가 이걸 봐야 하는 이유는 따로 있지만.....
To Be completed 
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